Ben slammed his eyes open, he shivered as the freezing night air infiltrated his pyjamas. He stood up shaking the snow off himself. He looked around at what looked like Antarctica but with trees. “Creek” the deafening sound made Ben whirl around and nearly scream, a giant glowing red mansion surrounded by mist and bats was towering over him, creaking in the wind. Ben took a step back and banged into something causing him to tumble face forward into the snow, Ben scrambled up and turned slowly around to see what he had crashed into. Ben blinked his eyes he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, an ever growing wall pushing towards him towards the haunting mansion, closing in from every side. Ben took a step forwards vigilant in every direction careful not to let the wall hit him again, then the wall decided it was bored of waiting and speed up forcing Ben into a jog then a fully fledged sprint, as he made it to the house he rapidly knocked on the door. Suddenly the house contorted itself into an unknown shape, it was then that Ben let our an ear splitting scream!...
This is my favourite bit of writing I've dun this year so far. It was easy to write cause my ideas kept coming out in front of me, I loved writing the ending cause I could put a twist in the story. Do you like my writing? Whats your favourite part? Samantha.
Kia ora Samantha, this is an exciting piece of writing. There is a lot of action happening. I think you could shorten some of the sentences to make it clearer what is going on. Next time, you could try some interesting sentence starters to give your writing more variety. Keep up the great work, Megan
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